Nobody reads this thing except for the CIA

My last blog, grisly as it was, was not ready by anyone but the CIA.

|goodnight|

All Alone

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."

An audience is often times your worst enemy, providing you with a social backdrop for your good deeds. Pleasing others to please yourself leaves no room for the good actions taken. It is when you selflessly put yourself in the front and bare your soul that you end up a more complete person and just at that moment society takes it all away; now you are married.

Damn, the first kid popped out. Shit, I wasn't ready for the second one. Fuck, my wife is fat!

And as your tie flaps in your face and the boulders below grow closer, you are once again a complete man.

Guy In Business Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up

Anyone who has had the displeasure of sharing a business class with Helmet Boy, will appreciate this article from America's most-trusted news source, The Onion.

Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up

HANOVER, NH—According to students enrolled in professor Michael Rosenthal's Philosophy 101 course at Dartmouth College, that guy, Darrin Floen, the one who sits at the back of the class and acts like he's Aristotle, seriously needs to shut the fuck up.

Floen (inset) is known to make his insufferable comments during class at Thornton Hall.

His fellow students describe Floen's frequent comments as eager, interested, and incredibly annoying.

"He thinks he knows about philosophy," freshman Duane Herring said. "But I hate his voice, and I hate the way he only half raises his hand, like he's so laid back. We're discussing ethics in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long before deciding if it's morally wrong to pound his face in."

"Today he was going on and on about how Plato's cave shadows themselves represent the ideal foundation of Western philosophical thought," said freshman Julia Wald moments after class let out Monday. "I have no idea what Plato's ideal reality is, but I bet it doesn't include know-it-all little shits."

Wald added: "If he uses the word 'dialectical' one more time, I'm going to shove my copy of The Republic down his throat."

Although he demonstrated a familiarity with Peter Singer's view on famine relief during a discussion of John Locke's theory of property, Floen is reportedly unfamiliar with the theory of cramming it for a change and giving someone else a chance to speak.

"Just last week Professor Rosenthal was talking about Russell's Paradox, and that jackass starts going off: 'But what about Heraclitus' aphorism: Everything flows, nothing stands still?'" classmate James Luers said. "At first I was like, 'That's totally irrelevant,' but then I was like, 'Well, actually, it does apply to the nonstop flapping of your trap.'"

Among the 40 students who regularly attend Philosophy 101, the one who has endured the most suffering is freshman William Deekes.

"Some people know Darrin as just 'that guy in philosophy class who needs to shut the hell up,'" Deekes said. "I, however, also know him as 'the douche in African history who seriously needs to chill' and 'the a-hole in environmental sciences who could really use a girlfriend.'"

"I enrolled in this course because I was fascinated by the question of God," said sophomore Miriam Blank. "After spending six hours a week in the same room as that unbearable windbag, I think I have my answer. Life is as long as it is cruel."

The outspoken student has not gone unremarked by the course's professor.

"Mr. Floen is a valuable contributor to our in-class discussions," Rosenthal said. "His tendency to question and challenge everything before him captures the very essence of philosophy itself."

Rosenthal added: "Having said that, I do wish he would occasionally do me the valued service of shutting his damn cake hole." "

aloha.

K's

Chappy! Just seeing that goofy kid brings a smile to my face. What are him and Chris up to now? Is Chaps still in Denver working for his dad?

I remember going to the rooftop before my management exam. I had 3 beers and then went to class. It was the longest 3 hr class I have ever endured. No more drinking and going to class for me...Helms, remember..i forget the name now. That complete bullshit science class for b-majors. Ahhh Creative Technology, yes. I believe the challenged kid wearing the helmet in front got an 'A' for asinine. Maybe I should put a picture of him up here...

Summer Days

As opposed to sitting in my office typing and revising my quarterly SPA report I would rather be here:

The Pacific

I took off from Anna's house this morning for a simple jog in Maui's paradise, but before I got too far I looked behind and had no idea the way I had come. Dirt tracks intersected here and there leading to the mountain crisscrossed with houses and the ubiquitous sign "Beware of Dog". Everyone has a dog here, Anna's house has 3, and I was only waiting to find the mean one. After 15 more minutes running uphill I thought this is far enough, im bored, im going back down. And then I preceeded to run in circles for the next 20 minutes, navigating my way through the back roads. Into one's property to jump into someone else's lot. Finally I found myself standing in a grove of trees where the path had dead ended. "Yeah this aint it - Fuck." Running back to the fork where I had obviously gone the wrong way I passed by that house again.

No sooner than I had just run by the barking started, Two dogs. I quickened the pace I did not want to deal with this shit right now. I was already stressed that I couldn't find my way out and it was hot and I was soaked. I turned onto the main path thinking I was out of reach when I heard 4 feet bowling towards me. I looked back and this brown dog was closing in fast. I put my dukes up and stood my ground. Nah, I ran faster and yelled at it "HEY!". For some reason this worked, the dog stopped and went back home. I am one scary dude. Still trying to get down and running down wrong paths I came across a hawaiian working at a water tank. "Hey, how do I get to the main road from here?". He had a sinister smile that I couldn't put out of my head. "You just follow this path for a 1/2 mile and it joins up." That entire half mile I was thinking that they were going to jump this stupid haole from Colorado for trespassing on their land. But I made it back to Anna's house to sit on the front porch, sweat dripping from every pore.